Eighteen.

Finally got a little time to write. Didn't proof read any of it, so it is what it is. :-S haha

Max's POV

My last couple of days had been pure hell. Luckily, whenever Jordan and I showed back up at his house, Jodi handed me a piece of paper with a general location on it without a fight. I questioned her further, but she said that was all she knew. It also just worked out that a few days later, we had 3 off days; enough time to fly down here, win her back, and then fly back. So far, I haven't mentioned one bad thing. Everything was going according to plan, but that wasn't the part that worried me.


I had no idea what I was going to say when I headed off to find her, I still don't have an idea now as I pull up to a cozy looking cottage. What do you say to someone you love to make them want to love you too? How do you even start? And after you say what you need to, how do you ever make that enough?

All of these thoughts are jumbled in my head as I get out of my rental vehicle and start pacing. In the snow. Yes, I'm so worked up that I'm pacing outside in nearly subzero temperatures while snow pounds at my face from every direction. I rake my hand, my now nearly frozen hand, through my hair before pulling the hood to my jacket up in frustration. I lean back against the edge of the car, arms crossed against my chest, a far off gaze on my face and my lips puckered in concentration as I look at the tiny cottage in front of me, at the faintest glow of light inside.

Anybody that could see me now would think I was possessed with the way I just continue to stare at the view in front of me. Hell, if my body wasn't almost completely numb, almost entirely consumed with the ideas in my mind, I would probably think I was a little crazed as well. I look like a madman, standing here starring straight ahead of me with narrowed eyes, not paying the least bit of attention to the weather around me. I start to bite my bottom lip as I still continue to watch the house in front of me for the slightest sight of movement much like a vulture surrounds its prey or a lioness stalks its newest find.


As I sit motionless, not even letting the blinding snow cause me to blink, new thoughts occur to me. What if she doesn't change her mind? What if she sends me home alone once again? What if she's in there with him? As the last thought runs through my mind, I feel my hands ball into fists and then start to shake from all the tension in them. I push away from the car with more force than needed and start to pace again.

I'm the biggest pussy or panzy I know. Here I am, right in front of her, and instead of going up and knocking on the door, getting the answer I've been desperate to know for what feels like the longest time now, but instead of going and claiming what's mine, I'm standing outside in a damn snow storm, too afraid to approach the door.

She's always done this to me. She's always made me the slightest bit crazy, fogged my brain making it almost impossible for me to think things through. I've never thought it was a problem until now. I never really thought too in depth about what she made me feel, or what she made me feel like. I never analyzed it or tried to even figure it out, but these past few months, I've had a lot of time on my hands, and in that time I've thought about this mere question time and time again, only to come up with one solution; I have no idea why she turns my brain to mush. After thinking about it that hardcore, that simple conclusion is annoying as hell and quite disappointing. One would think after concentrating on something so hard and for so long, they'd come up with a brilliant explanation. Maybe I could have if her memories weren't clouding my every thought, making the light bulb in my head strain to go off, leaving me still desperately searching for my answer. And maybe that answer isn't meant to be revealed, but it was easier to think about that than the other question that frequently popped into my head; How could she do this to me? How could she throw away what we were finally creating again?

And then the word creation makes my mind go onto yet another rabbit trail. Inside of her is my child, the child she was anticipating on keeping from my presence. I've always been possessive. What's mine is mine, and I don't share well or easily. It wasn't until recently that that logic applied to a baby. I never wanted to have kids, her and I had discussed it before, back when we were in that 'I enjoy spending time with you' phase, but not the 'I'm in love with you' era yet. I could tell she was disappointed in my answer, but she shrugged it off quite simply because neither of us were looking for something long term, but instead someone to help liven up those quiet nights alone. Perhaps that's why we ended up loving each other; maybe the saying love is blind is absolutely correct in the sense that we were both blinded by what was happening, neither of us wanting to believe that what we had was special until it hit us both, and hard. And then all shit hit the fan, me screwing up monumentally and her running as fast as her tiny legs could carry her away from me. The idea of her trying to run away from me again as me mad as hell, triggering my legs to stomp in the direction of the small cottage, wanting nothing more than to tell her exactly how I feel about this.

I pound on the door, harder than probably needed, and then take a step back, taking a deep breath in an attempt to cool down my anger just a little bit. I need to be demanding, but in a blind rage probably won't do anything but scare her more.

She swings the door open slowly, but she isn't facing me right away, she's turned back toward the living room, turning off whatever music she was listening to before. She takes the Kleenex she has in her hands and dabs at her eyes before turning to face me. When she sees me standing there, she crosses her arms across her chest and her mouth falls open. As we both continue to stand there, I take the opportunity to get a good look at her. She looks exactly the same, and completely different all at once. Her brown hair surrounds her hair in gentle waves, the way I like it the most. Next I scan her face, noticing how her cheeks are slightly wet and her eyes have a tint of pink to them, meaning she's been crying no doubt. I see a new tear escape from her eyes before she rushes toward me, wrapping her arms around my neck. It's not until I feel the gentle swell of her stomach touch mine that my knees get weak.

Seventeen.

Okay, this one is freshly created from my new dorm/apartment/home. I don't know what I'm going to dub it yet.. :-S As I started writing Rylies perspective, I realized it was more about my current situation than hers, and then I was like what the crap, but left it anyways. lol Just a short one on my break of digging through mounds of boxes.

Rylie's POV

I pull back the curtains to peer through the window, only to see one of the hardest snows I've seen in a while currently making the ground around my little get away home a blanket of white.

"Almost like a clean slate," I mumble to myself, nodding my head slightly as the analogy forms in my head. Clean surface around me, clean start to my new life. A new beginning, if you will. The only problem I'm having with any of this is the fact that I was planning on doing a little window shopping in town today, but that was just to get myself out of this place, to interact with some people of the human form, something I haven't done much of since getting here.

I call my mom, I call Jodi. That's about as far as I've gotten for the whole 4 and 1/2 months I've been here. Of course, there is the occasional run to town for food or my doctor appointments, and although I love Ted, the old man I share coffee with, he's not much for gossiping. Okay, he gets to drink coffee while I drink my herbal tea. I envy him of that...

Besides that, it's been just me, my thoughts, and this little cottage in the middle of nowhere. It has given me some perspective though. I know that I can't stay here forever, and eventually I'm going to have to move into a town where a hospital is located, because as I rest my hand on my stomach that seems to be pooching out more every day, it's a big reality check for me. If I'm ready or not, this thing is coming out sooner or later.

With all of that in mind, I've also realized that I need to go home. And even though I've sat here and tried to convince myself that it's not, Pittsburgh is home to me. Will it be harder than hell to run into Max on occasion? Yes, but that's only natural. I've always been told that you never forget your first love. As I'm starting to realize that that statement is probably true, I can only hope that his memory fades after a while. Not too much, because I don't ever want to forget about what we had completely, I just need it gone enough that it's not all I'm thinking about all the time. That's not healthy for anyone..

Dropping the curtain so that it covers the grey sky above me, I shuffle over to the couch in my slippers and pull my robe around me tighter before grabbing a blanket as I sit down and curl up in it. The silence is deafening, so I reach for the controller on the top of the couch and turn some music on and rest my head on the pillow behind me as I let the music fill my ears. I mumble along to Runaway by Love and Theft as it comes on next, but as the chorus comes blaring out of my iHome, I find my eyes almost bulging out.

I'm gonna pack my bags and never look back
Run a parallel line with the railroad tracks
And make my get away
I put the pedal to the metal as the sun goes down
Leave everybody sleeping in this sleepy town tonight
And at the break of day, I'll be a runaway

It then occurs to me for the first time that I did run away. I didn't give anyone any explanation, other than the fact that I needed to. I didn't think about who I was hurting, and even worse I didn't care. Images of Max fill my head, but I shake them away, telling myself that I did this for me, because it was what I needed. I hit the next button, and settle in once again as a new song starts to play. My nose scrunches up in disgust as I recognize the song Use Somebody by Kings of Leon.

I've been roaming around
Always looking down at all I see
Painted faces fill the places I can't reach
You know that I could use somebody
You know that I could use somebody
Someone like you

I hit the pause button, not being able to listen any long as tears finally slide down my face

"I don't need Max, damn it!" I yell at no one in particular. I reach for the box of Kleenex I've been using regularly now and dab at my tears. Blaming my current outbreak of emotions on being pregnant, I move on to the next song, telling myself that it has nothing to do with anything else besides the fact that I'm carrying a little one now that has me in tears. Just like I always rationalize.

As I Gotta Feeling by the Black Eyed Peas comes on, I find myself smiling now while I dab at the tears that are still uncontrollably running down my face. I hear a knock on the door, and the fact that no one knows where I'm at doesn't even register as I get up, singing along to the lyrics and dancing around slightly as I make my way toward the door.

I gotta feeling

That tonight's gonna be a good night

That tonight's gonna be a good night

That tonight's gonna be a good, good night

Finally at the door now, I smile to myself before wiping my tears away one last time and swinging the door open. My mouth falls open at who is waiting for me on the other side.

"Oh shit," I mumble to myself as he shifts uncomfortably and we both just stare at each other.

Sixteen.

Max's POV

I'm completely frozen in my tracks, unable to move a muscle in my body as shock over takes me. I stand there for who knows how long, not really being able to think a coherent thought. Eventually, Jodi and Jordan walk into the room, but they don't approach me. Instead, they both stand at the table in the dining room with concerned looks on their faces, probably too afraid to enter the kitchen in fear that I might break out into hysterics, and with them snapping me out of my trance I decide that that might just happen.

But instead, I do what I always do when I'm nervous; I pace. I practically make laps around their kitchen as they both continue to watch me. It's almost as if every time one of my feet touches the ground, a different question pops into my head. Why hasn't she told me? Did she know when she left? Is it why she left? Why couldn't she give me a chance? How the hell did this happen? I stop and laugh at myself as the last question crosses my mind.. I know full well how it happened, and I also remember it being amazing and unforgettable, but never in my right mind did I think I'd be describing it as life-altering. And that's what it turned out to be, in more ways than one.

I finally stop pacing, but I don't look over in Jordan and Jodi's direction, because I know they think I'm acting crazy right now. I stand by the counter in front of me, reaching my arms out and bracing them against it, locking them in place while I bend down a little, and squeeze my eyes shut before letting out a long exasperated sigh.

"She's sure it's mine?" I ask calmly, keeping my eyes locked on the tile floor below me. It's a cruel thing to do; to insinuate that she's been whoring around, but it's just one of those questions I have to ask, just to be sure. After all, she left me. How am I suppose to know it wasn't for another man?

"She's positive," Jodi replies in an even, quiet tone. I literally feel as if I've just been slapped in the face. Needing to get out of this room, I clear my throat before making a bee line to the door. "Where are you going?" Jodi asks, fear clear in her facial expression as she watches me walk past her. I don't respond, but partially because I don't know the answer to that question myself, so I don't know how to explain to her, so instead I walk straight to the door. I hear the two of them discussing something, but it's all just murmurs to me, almost like an incessant buzz that won't go away, but you don't quite understand either.

It's not until I've made it to the grass of their front lawn that I realize Jordan is following me. He's calling after me, but I just head straight to my car. I reach my front door and climb in, jamming the key into the ignition and turning it over, listening to the roar of the car underneath me. I'm about to take off, but Jordan slips into the passenger seat, and it's then that I curse myself for not locking the door.

"Jordan, get out of the car," I reply in a forceful tone, not bothering to look over in his direction, but instead focus on the way my knuckles are turning white from the death grip I have on the steering wheel.

"Do you think I want to be here? Shit," he mumbles under his breath. "Jodi told me not to let you do something completely stupid or irrational, that's the only reason I'm here." Under normal circumstances, I'd get a kick out of just how whipped little Jordie has become, but I can't even crack jokes at this point. Giving my head a shake, I throw the car into reverse and back out onto the quaint side road, not feeling any more relieved until we're on the highway. "You know, you're really living up to the nickname Mad Max right now," Jordan adds while shaking his head, but saying nothing more as we drive in silence for the rest of the way.

After finally not recognizing where we are anymore, I pull off the road and over to a resting area where I once again start pacing. I needed to get away, and what better way is there to do that then to technically and realistically not know where the hell you are? Jordan opens the passenger side door, turning his legs and resting them on the ground in front of him but remains sitting, his hands clasped together as his head rests on them as he watches me.

"Wanna talk through it?" he finally offers.

"Was she ever planning on telling me?" I spat out, raising my arms before continuing to pace.

"I don't know man, you-"

"If she was scared of how I was going to react, I think I'm taking this rather well," I interrupt, once again using my hands to help describe how I'm feeling. "I mean, wouldn't you feel like all of your independence just flew out the drain if you were in my position?"

"It's hard to say, I think-"

"I mean really, I'm trying to stay open minded about this all.." I say while scratching my head.

"Max," Jordan murmurs quietly.

"I mean this is a lot of responsibility," I continue, ignoring him completely.

"Max," Jordan says again, but not quite getting my full attention.

"I don't think I'd be good in a family setting," I add before starting to pace again.

"MAX!" Jordan yells at me, and I finally whip my head in his direction with a 'what the hell?' look on my face, but this is the most serious I've ever seen the easy going big man before. "Shut the fuck up," he continues, catching me completely off guard, but grabbing my attention nonetheless. "Do you love her?"

I shake my head, not really knowing where he's going with this. "What?"

"Do you love her," he reiterates while distinctively saying each word. I look at the ground in front of me, but when my eyes finally look up and into his baby blues, a shit eating grin crosses his face. "Get in the car," he says while getting out and heading over to the drives seat. I stand motionless, not really knowing what he's up to now either. He rests his arm on the now open driver seat door and continues to stare at me. "Max, get in the damn car."

Something about the tone in his voice has me jumping to his command, but it's not until we pull back onto the highway that I speak up.

"Where are we going?"

"To find out exactly where your lady is hiding," he says with a small chuckle, almost as if I had just asked the stupidest question ever. I sit back in my seat, feeling content for the moment, at least.

Fifteen.

Rylie's POV

After four months, the morning sickness has started to fade and I'm actually getting to enjoy this pregnancy now. I've ran a thousand different scenarios through my mind, and I haven't been able to take action on any of them.

Do I tell Max?

Do I keep this to myself and enjoy it the best I can, avoiding the horrible reaction I know he'll have?

Do I let him know, but tell him that he doesn't have to worry about it, because I'm doing this on my own?

I think half of my worries come from a conversation we had way back whenever we were first getting to know each other. He dropped the comment that he didn't plan on having kids in the future, and even though I knew that was what I always wanted someday, I didn't let it bother me. I couldn't stay away from Max if I tried. This is another thing I think about often.. Every day I wonder how I manage to not make my way back to Pittsburgh and into his arms. I certainly think about it all the time, and as much as I try to tell myself I don't, I miss him enormously. And then I get a glimpse of myself, at the way my stomach as now started to protrude, and I end up like I always do. Crying.

These are happy tears though. As ironic as it is, Max has given me the one thing I've always wanted; a family. I've came to terms with the fact that he won't be a part of that, and as much as that hurts, I've started to accept it.

That will never change the fact that I miss him like crazy.. but then again I don't know if I could take being rejected again, and just for the simple fact that I'm carrying his child. For some reason, I can just see him not even letting me explain, and well.. that would be more than I could take.

Max's POV

"Things have changed," Jodi says while getting up and walking into the kitchen, dismissing herself from me like she has for who knows how long now. Anytime I bring it up, she finds some way to distract me until I've forgotten what I was talking about and take part in whatever new conversation has been brought up. Not this time.

Normally, Jordan would pull me away from her, telling me that she won't cave in, but I know that today is different. He feels it too, which is why he sits motionless on the couch, not trying to stop me from chasing after her like he normally would. As I walk by him, he gives me an encouraging smile, but then turns his attention back to the Hawks game. And even though Jodi hasn't told him yet, I know she's warming up to me. I've always felt she liked me a tad better than blondie anyways.

"How?" I ask when I finally get into the kitchen. She sighs before turning toward me.

"You don't know what you're dealing with," she replies coolly. I know by the defiant look on her face that this is suppose to be some sort of warning, but just like most warnings that are thrown at me, I ignore it just like all the rest.

"Then let me find that out for myself," I counter, moving closer to her. "Just tell me where she is so I can find out what I'm dealing with." She sighs again, and I know I'm getting closer to what I want.

"She would kill me if I told you where she is.." she says while once again turning away from me. I see Jordan enter the room, and I hate using the big guy, but I know that he'll forgive me later.

"What if Jordan abruptly left. He didn't tell you where he was going, and he didn't give you an explanation or any reason for his sudden decision, and he didn't give you a chance to talk him out of it?" I ask. Automatically, I feel a gut wrenching stare coming from Jordan, but I don't even look at him. Jodi whips her head around, her very one stare focusing on Jordan. He looks around the room innocently, almost as if to say 'how the hell did I get brought into this?'.

"If Jordan ever did such a thing, he would never walk again properly, and he sure as hell wouldn't be playing hockey anymore," she continues, getting closer to Jordan with each threat. She gets so close that the big man actually gets up from leaning against the counter and starts to back away a little.

"I would never," he confesses while raising his arms up in surrender, fear written on his face. It's quite the site to see, and I'd probably be laughing if this wasn't exactly how I wanted things to go.

"Good," she answers simply before pulling down on the collar of his shirt until he's at her level so she can place a kiss on his cheek. She lets go and turns around to face me again and I swear I can see relief pass over his face before he shifts his weight to one leg and crosses his arms against his chest, giving me a 'Go to hell' look just for good measure.

"And if I knew where he went, wouldn't you want me to tell you so you could chase after him?" She looks at me, biting her lip nervously. She shifts her gaze down to the floor before rocking back and forth on her tip toes, very much like Rylie use to do.

"And what if he were pregnant?" she says quietly, still not looking me in the eyes. I cock my head to the side before looking over at Jordan who sighs at this hypothetical situation and how he was once again brought into it before leaving the room. Jodi comes up and pats me on the shoulder before leaving the room as well. Pregnant..?