Seventeen.

Okay, this one is freshly created from my new dorm/apartment/home. I don't know what I'm going to dub it yet.. :-S As I started writing Rylies perspective, I realized it was more about my current situation than hers, and then I was like what the crap, but left it anyways. lol Just a short one on my break of digging through mounds of boxes.

Rylie's POV

I pull back the curtains to peer through the window, only to see one of the hardest snows I've seen in a while currently making the ground around my little get away home a blanket of white.

"Almost like a clean slate," I mumble to myself, nodding my head slightly as the analogy forms in my head. Clean surface around me, clean start to my new life. A new beginning, if you will. The only problem I'm having with any of this is the fact that I was planning on doing a little window shopping in town today, but that was just to get myself out of this place, to interact with some people of the human form, something I haven't done much of since getting here.

I call my mom, I call Jodi. That's about as far as I've gotten for the whole 4 and 1/2 months I've been here. Of course, there is the occasional run to town for food or my doctor appointments, and although I love Ted, the old man I share coffee with, he's not much for gossiping. Okay, he gets to drink coffee while I drink my herbal tea. I envy him of that...

Besides that, it's been just me, my thoughts, and this little cottage in the middle of nowhere. It has given me some perspective though. I know that I can't stay here forever, and eventually I'm going to have to move into a town where a hospital is located, because as I rest my hand on my stomach that seems to be pooching out more every day, it's a big reality check for me. If I'm ready or not, this thing is coming out sooner or later.

With all of that in mind, I've also realized that I need to go home. And even though I've sat here and tried to convince myself that it's not, Pittsburgh is home to me. Will it be harder than hell to run into Max on occasion? Yes, but that's only natural. I've always been told that you never forget your first love. As I'm starting to realize that that statement is probably true, I can only hope that his memory fades after a while. Not too much, because I don't ever want to forget about what we had completely, I just need it gone enough that it's not all I'm thinking about all the time. That's not healthy for anyone..

Dropping the curtain so that it covers the grey sky above me, I shuffle over to the couch in my slippers and pull my robe around me tighter before grabbing a blanket as I sit down and curl up in it. The silence is deafening, so I reach for the controller on the top of the couch and turn some music on and rest my head on the pillow behind me as I let the music fill my ears. I mumble along to Runaway by Love and Theft as it comes on next, but as the chorus comes blaring out of my iHome, I find my eyes almost bulging out.

I'm gonna pack my bags and never look back
Run a parallel line with the railroad tracks
And make my get away
I put the pedal to the metal as the sun goes down
Leave everybody sleeping in this sleepy town tonight
And at the break of day, I'll be a runaway

It then occurs to me for the first time that I did run away. I didn't give anyone any explanation, other than the fact that I needed to. I didn't think about who I was hurting, and even worse I didn't care. Images of Max fill my head, but I shake them away, telling myself that I did this for me, because it was what I needed. I hit the next button, and settle in once again as a new song starts to play. My nose scrunches up in disgust as I recognize the song Use Somebody by Kings of Leon.

I've been roaming around
Always looking down at all I see
Painted faces fill the places I can't reach
You know that I could use somebody
You know that I could use somebody
Someone like you

I hit the pause button, not being able to listen any long as tears finally slide down my face

"I don't need Max, damn it!" I yell at no one in particular. I reach for the box of Kleenex I've been using regularly now and dab at my tears. Blaming my current outbreak of emotions on being pregnant, I move on to the next song, telling myself that it has nothing to do with anything else besides the fact that I'm carrying a little one now that has me in tears. Just like I always rationalize.

As I Gotta Feeling by the Black Eyed Peas comes on, I find myself smiling now while I dab at the tears that are still uncontrollably running down my face. I hear a knock on the door, and the fact that no one knows where I'm at doesn't even register as I get up, singing along to the lyrics and dancing around slightly as I make my way toward the door.

I gotta feeling

That tonight's gonna be a good night

That tonight's gonna be a good night

That tonight's gonna be a good, good night

Finally at the door now, I smile to myself before wiping my tears away one last time and swinging the door open. My mouth falls open at who is waiting for me on the other side.

"Oh shit," I mumble to myself as he shifts uncomfortably and we both just stare at each other.